My latest column for those lovely folks at This Is Horror“A few years back I won an award for a short story collection. So proud was I of this achievement that I made sure the award was prominently displayed in my downstairs toilet.At about the same time we were having some work done on our cottage. A local builder was taking up the floorboards in the front room. After using our downstairs loo he mentioned, with some apprehension, while I was making him yet another cup of tea, that he’d spotted the award.
Just read this from the charming Bruce Blanchard:“*Posted with apologies to The Talking Heads and David Byrne and with warnings the stories you encounter here are disturbing, sexual, maniac, and the stuff of nightmares. This is a review of Stuck on You and Other Prime Cuts by Jasper Bark. Beware, gang, once seen and read, all are going to stick with you. The warning is given, read on!*
The delightful James Everington just wrote me a lovely plug:“It’s safe to say that Jasper Bark occupies a unique position amongst British horror writers; his work is by turns scary, funny and gleefully taboo-breaking. Stuck On You And Other Prime Cuts is a collection of Bark’s short fiction, giving the reader ten peeks into his uniquely twisted view of the world. The collection begins with the title story (an erotic-horror novella which you won’t forget in a hurry) and before it ends it encompasses an economist in Hell, sentient blood creatures, Shakespearian lust and love, and a frankly disgusting story about a urinal.
After a brief sabbatical here is the latest This Is Horror Column, I know you missed me:“I’m going to start this month’s column with a little joke:“A guy walks into a bar with a midget riding a crocodile and a seven foot nun with a ring through her nose. He orders a pint glass full of pickled eggs for the midget, a shot glass full of pork scratchings for the nun and a vodka martini for himself.The midget begins stuffing all the eggs into his ears. The nun blesses the pork scratching and then sets light to them with a blowtorch. The man drinks his martini then orders another round of the same for all of them. This carries on all night until, half an hour before closing time, the barman leans over and says: “Hey buddy, what’s with the midget and the nun then?”
More This Is Horror Column Goodness:“About a decade and a half ago Keith Tyson, a conceptual artist and childhood friend of mine (who would later go on to win the Turner Prize), invited me to one of his shows. It was in a boutique gallery in a trendy part of West London and the place was filled with just the sort of preening, pseudish individuals you’d imagine attending these sort of events. Many were artists themselves and paraded about the gallery with a sense of overweening entitlement and a desperate need for attention.
My latest column for This Is Horror:“This is the season that fans of George R. R. Martin’s books have been anticipating since the series started, and with no little trepidation. This is the point in the saga where everything changes, and nothing will ever be the same. Rest assured that show runners David Benioff and D B Weiss have been building up to this since they first pitched the show. If you’re a huge fan of the books, especially Storm of Swords, you really won’t be disappointed by the penultimate episode.
My latest column for This Is Horror:“I was a bit of a late starter when it came to facial hair. In fact I was over 30 before I had to start shaving more than once in a blue moon. I was actually quite upset by the sudden onset of face fuzz if I’m honest. It seemed like a definitive end to my years of folly and fresh faced youth. If the twin responsibilities of a new baby and a mortgage weren’t enough, I suddenly had to start scraping hair from my chin on a daily basis. It all seemed decidedly unfair at the time.
My latest column for This Is Horror:“There is a lot of talk amongst the Horrorati at the moment about Quiet Horror. A sub-genre that seems to mainly concern itself with timid vampires and shy werewolves whose worst crimes would appear to be dropping a thigh bone in the school library or letting one rip during the two minute silence on Remembrance Day. However, the subject of this month’s column is an exponent of anything but Quiet Horror. The work of cover artist, cartoonist and illustrator Bill Alexander is best described as Gibbering, Screaming, In-Your-Face Horror of the highest calibre.