My latest column for those lovely folks at This Is Horror“A few years back I won an award for a short story collection. So proud was I of this achievement that I made sure the award was prominently displayed in my downstairs toilet.At about the same time we were having some work done on our cottage. A local builder was taking up the floorboards in the front room. After using our downstairs loo he mentioned, with some apprehension, while I was making him yet another cup of tea, that he’d spotted the award.
Just read this from the charming Bruce Blanchard:“*Posted with apologies to The Talking Heads and David Byrne and with warnings the stories you encounter here are disturbing, sexual, maniac, and the stuff of nightmares. This is a review of Stuck on You and Other Prime Cuts by Jasper Bark. Beware, gang, once seen and read, all are going to stick with you. The warning is given, read on!*
The delightful James Everington just wrote me a lovely plug:“It’s safe to say that Jasper Bark occupies a unique position amongst British horror writers; his work is by turns scary, funny and gleefully taboo-breaking. Stuck On You And Other Prime Cuts is a collection of Bark’s short fiction, giving the reader ten peeks into his uniquely twisted view of the world. The collection begins with the title story (an erotic-horror novella which you won’t forget in a hurry) and before it ends it encompasses an economist in Hell, sentient blood creatures, Shakespearian lust and love, and a frankly disgusting story about a urinal.
After a brief sabbatical here is the latest This Is Horror Column, I know you missed me:“I’m going to start this month’s column with a little joke:“A guy walks into a bar with a midget riding a crocodile and a seven foot nun with a ring through her nose. He orders a pint glass full of pickled eggs for the midget, a shot glass full of pork scratchings for the nun and a vodka martini for himself.The midget begins stuffing all the eggs into his ears. The nun blesses the pork scratching and then sets light to them with a blowtorch. The man drinks his martini then orders another round of the same for all of them. This carries on all night until, half an hour before closing time, the barman leans over and says: “Hey buddy, what’s with the midget and the nun then?”
This is it true believers, quite possibly the sickest, filthiest and single most horny collection of gruesome, gore filled stories you’re going to read this year.